One Photo.
Instant Vibe Check.

FaceTrace is a face-scan app that delivers an instant personality verdict from a single photo — symmetry, trustworthiness, energy, resting face, animal archetype, and the decade you were born for. Upload one photo, get publicly diagnosed in under a second. No accounts required for the basic scan.

No. It's a satirical fun face analysis app — "vibe-based intelligence verification". The verdicts are entertainment, not science. Treat them like a horoscope written by your meanest friend.

You upload a photo from your phone or computer. The image is sent to AWS Rekognition for facial-feature analysis. We score symmetry, pick a personality archetype based on the detected features, match you to an animal and a decade, and return a verdict card you can share. The whole round-trip takes under a second on a normal connection.

No. Your photo is sent to AWS Rekognition for analysis and discarded. Nothing about your face is retained server-side. The verdict and a small thumbnail are only stored if you opt in to submit a score to a leaderboard.

A medal cabinet of 21 silly browser games — Wankered Darts, Pissed Pool, 100-Ball Pinball Massacre, Stumble Home, Cock Snake and more — exclusive to the Fucking Degenerates ($20 lifetime) tier. Top of the all-time aggregate leaderboard at midnight UTC on Christmas Day wins $1,000 cash.

Buy the Fucking Degenerates plan ($20 lifetime), play the 21 Olympics events, and aim to top the all-time aggregate leaderboard at midnight UTC on 25 December. Each game contributes up to 1,000 points to your aggregate, so the maximum theoretical score is 21,000. The bar is set high — nobody is expected to max out — and the highest aggregate at the snapshot moment wins the cash.

FaceTrace is free to try. Three optional paid tiers unlock more: the Basic Plan ($5 lifetime) for celebrity lookalike and Vibe leaderboard eligibility; Adult Mode ($10 lifetime) for sweary commentary on all 27 archetypes; and Fucking Degenerates ($20 lifetime) for the Degenerate Olympics and the annual $1,000 Christmas Champion prize. All three are one-off lifetime payments — no subscriptions.

Astonishingly accurate, according to us. Statistically incoherent, according to anyone with a degree. FaceTrace is for entertainment only and is not a substitute for any official background-check, screening, or medical service.